Fostering connections with your high school student can be difficult—between busy schedules, the stress of the college application process, and students becoming increasingly independent, dedicated time for such conversations can easily fall by the wayside. Often, this is only exacerbated when students and parents are faced with the stress of the college admissions process.
Despite these challenges, parents play a key role in setting the tone for the college admissions process by encouraging their students to think critically about their passions, helping them to kickstart their strategy early in the process, and supporting them as they maintain strong grades and pursue extracurricular activities related to their hook. Yet many parents struggle to know where and when to begin—some are unsure of how to motivate their student or help them discover their core interests, others lack the expertise to advise their student on the best decisions to make their admissions profile stand out.
While equipping your child to navigate the competitive college admissions landscape can be a daunting and complex, here are three simple steps you can take to set your student up for success:
Start Early & Develop a Support Network
Many parents assume that they don’t need to begin worrying about college admissions until their child’s junior year, but nothing could be further from the truth. Starting during freshman year of high school, everything your student does—from summer activities to extracurriculars, academic competitions, and coursework—will appear on their college application. It is therefore critical for parents to be intentional about laying a strategic foundation and building a support apparatus for their child starting in freshman and sophomore years of high school.
This does not mean that parents need to become drill sergeants for their 15-year-old students, but rather that they should encourage their students to begin thinking about their goals and interests early and help them identify areas of need that could benefit from additional support.
For instance, strong grades and test scores are the foundation of college success, so parents can help their students by targeting academic struggles early through tutoring or learning support systems to ensure that their students’ early struggles don’t inhibit their continued learning. Likewise, top colleges seek to admit students who made a demonstrable change in their communities through their passions. By helping their students to identify the summer activities or extracurriculars that excite them, parents can help their students gain a sense of direction from which to develop a strategic plan. If a student discovers during their freshman year that their core interest lies in politics and public policy, their strategic plan will likely consist of running for student government, serving in a leadership position in the current affairs club, taking AP Economics and related courses, and attending a competitive merit-based summer program in political science. If their school lacks a club or organization that aligns with their passion, students should feel empowered to take the initiative and create one.
As they help their students set goals that align with their core passions, parents should keep in mind that this process is fundamentally student-driven—while parents are critical figures in helping their students gain motivation, stay on task, and feel empowered to achieve their goals, the path that a student takes is ultimately up to them. Parents can offer valuable advice, ask questions that prompt their student to think about their futures, and connect a student to tutors, teachers, their school counselor, and other mentors. However, they should also increasingly encourage independent thought and self-motivation in their students as they journey through high school.
Finally, keep in mind that preparing a student for the world of Ivy League admissions and building a competitive application profile is an enormous responsibility—and parents don’t have to do it alone. College admissions consultants provide students with invaluable expert, non-parental guidance throughout the process, saving parents and families from the stress of navigating the stressful and intricate process with their students alone. Wherever your student is in their high school career, our expert Senior Mentors are poised to support them in achieving their collegiate dreams!
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Ask Questions & Foster Conversation
One of the best ways to provide guidance as students begin to consider their future college goals is to approach them with curiosity and encourage an open dialogue. Asking intentional questions about your student’s interests, ambitions, and hopes for the next four years of their educational journey will not only allow you to meet your student where they are in the process, championing their progress toward their goals, but it will also encourage them to think critically about how they can pursue their passions in the coming years.
As you seek to connect with your student and help them navigate the college admissions landscape, here are questions to kickstart your discussions:
Questions About Students’ Interests and Goals:
These questions are designed to help you connect with your student more deeply and eventually kickstart the college admissions process. Before even starting to create a list of colleges or setting goals about test scores and GPAs, step back and help your student think about what is important to them and who they are as a person. Identifying their hopes for the coming four years of their life will help them to create a clear mission that will drive the entirety of their college application process.
While questions about the college admissions process are best reserved for dedicated times so as not to overwhelm every discussion, these questions help you connect with your student and discover more about who they are and are often best woven into everyday conversations. These topics can sometimes feel intimidating and heavy for students who are still figuring out their interests and goals. To prevent them from feeling as though they are on the spot, consider posing these questions as you do an activity together. Whether going for a hike, doing a puzzle, or cooking dinner, sharing an experience can help the conversation to flow more naturally and with less perceived pressure.
What are your interests/ passions? What do you love to do?
What is your favorite class? Why?
What career do you see yourself in after college?
Have you thought about what you would want to major in? How do you think that major will help you reach your future goals?
Keep in mind that every student is different. While some students will have clear answers for these questions, others may not have considered them before and may need more time to find their answers. It is important to assess where your student is in their development and future goal setting and meet them where they are in the process.
Questions About Students’ College Lists:
As students begin to compile their college list during their junior year, they may be feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of options available to them. Developing a balanced college list suited to your student’s needs requires both research and introspection—students should have a clear sense of what they want in a school and how the various schools they are researching might align with their desires and goals.
What do you value most in a college—do you first notice location, size, culture, or academic programs? Why do you think that specific characteristic is important to you?
Have you thought about what it would be like to attend a school in xyz region? Does that area appeal to you? Why?
What is your dream school? If money, grades, and test scores were not a factor, what school would you dream of attending? Why?
What types of clubs and activities do you imagine yourself being involved in on campus?
Which schools would you like to visit in person?
Questions about Students’ Needs and Support System:
The best way to understand what your student needs from you in their high school endeavors, the college admissions process and beyond is to simply ask. This is particularly critical during junior spring and the fall of senior year, when students undertake the college admissions process in earnest. Ask questions that help them assess their strengths and weaknesses, determine what they will need your help with, and eventually,consider how they will seek support when they are no longer living under your roof.
What class/part of your high school experience are you least confident in? What would it take for you to feel more confident?
How can I help you in the college admissions process?
What intimidates you most about applying to college?
What do you think you need in order to feel confident as you complete your applications?
Questions to Ask After They Press ‘Submit’:
For high school seniors, the time spent awaiting college decisions can feel agonizing. It is a season of uncertainty and anticipation, and for that reason it is important to check in with your student during this stage and encourage open dialogue. This is a valuable time for students to develop “soft skills,” such as expressing gratitude to their recommenders and others who supported them and reflecting on their achievements over the last four years.
When you think about living away from home, what makes you nervous/ excited?
What did you learn about yourself in the college application process?
What surprised you about the process? Was there anything that turned out to be easier / harder than you thought it would be?
Set Goals & Emphasize Growth
Students thrive when they are motivated by encouragement and empathy. Because of this, it is important to set manageable application-related goals and incentivize students to achieve them, taking a proactive rather than a reactive approach. This is only possible if you have created a safe environment for your student to try things out—whether researching a new college, incorporating a new study technique, or crafting a new essay idea—and at times fail. If they have attempted and failed to reach a deadline, write an essay, or complete other tasks on their list, help your student see these experiences as opportunities to grow rather than examples of their shortcomings.
The best way to model this attitude is to be vocal with your student about their strengths and where you see them thriving and growing. In addition, make sure that your feedback is qualitative rather than quantitative. Try not to make everything about the numbers and scores—which can be tempting during a college application process that depends in part on GPAs and test scores—but instead about the student’s authentic learning. Specific feedback goes a long way—for instance, rather than congratulating them for completing an essay, provide more insightful feedback about their process, such as by saying, “I know that you were struggling to think of a topic for this essay, and I am so proud of all of the work you put into brainstorming and trying out different ideas rather than getting frustrated and giving up.”
Once you have communicated your observations to your student, ask them what they have learned about themselves and their needs and what they intend to do differently as a result of their experience. Consider questions such as: “Do you think that time frame was too much pressure? What did you learn in the process?” Finally, express confidence that they can achieve their goals.
Tip from a Senior Mentor:
“While mapping out the next four years is an important task, remember that it is not the only thing going on in your student’s life. In order to make sure that they are taking time for themselves and that you are strengthening your relationship with them during this time of transition, plan specific days or times that college planning discussions are off limits. Whether a family dinner, weekend outing, or other activity, use the time to ask questions about what is going on in other aspects of the student’s life. Do something fun and lighthearted together, whether as a reward for their hard work or simply an activity that you both enjoy. Finally, it is important to encourage students to take time for themselves as well, so encourage them to set aside moments for their own relaxation and enjoyment—such as by engaging in a hobby or connecting with friends outside of school—to help them recharge and approach their tasks with renewed energy, focus, and perspective.” — Kelly, Senior Mentor
Parents play a critical role in helping their students navigate the complexities of the college admissions landscape, from laying a strong foundation to discovering and exploring their interests and sharing their unique voices and perspectives on their college applications. Whether having a casual chat over dinner, scheduling a campus visit, or helping map out a study plan, parents’ intentional and supportive approach to the process can make all the difference for a student’s chances at their dream school.
Frequently Asked Questions
When should parents start talking to high school students about applying to college?
It’s never too early to begin talking to your high school student about college—but how you talk about it will vary as your child moves through different stages of the process. During the early stages of their high school career, parents should ask their children questions to help them consider their interests, favorite classes, core skills, and future goals. By junior year, these conversations should become more targeted, covering topics like major selection, college visits, standardized testing, and application strategy. At every stage, the key is to keep the tone supportive and student-focused so your student feels empowered to be autonomous and self-starting, not overwhelmed.
Is freshman year of high school too early to start thinking about college?
No! The college admissions process begins the moment a student steps foot on their high school campus. This is a critical time to build strong academic habits, explore extracurricular interests, and lay the groundwork for what will become a standout applicant profile. Starting early allows students to make intentional decisions about the classes they take, the clubs they join, and the opportunities they pursue over the next few years.
How can I talk to my teen about college?
The college application process can be stressful and anxiety-provoking for students and parents alike. It is therefore essential that parents approach their students with curiosity, open-mindedness, and a supportive attitude. Prioritize asking thoughtful questions and encouraging your student to feel the freedom to explore their interests and take steps toward the future they envision for themselves.
Is it too early to start working with a college consulting in 9th or 10th grade?
College consultants are an invaluable resource in the college application process, helping students start early to discover their guiding passions and build a standout admissions profile. Ninth and tenth grades are ideal times to begin working with a college consultant, allowing a student to get to know their consultant and receive support in the critical foundational years before the college application process begins in earnest.
How can I motivate my teenager?
The best motivation often comes from helping your teen discover a sense of purpose or ownership over their goals. Rather than focusing only on college outcomes, encourage your teen to pursue activities they genuinely enjoy and to reflect on what excites or challenges them. Positive reinforcement, celebrating small wins, and modeling your own curiosity or growth mindset can go a long way. If your student is struggling to find their motivation, schedule a free consult and learn how our Senior Mentors provide a supportive and encouraging environment for students to achieve their goals.
