3 Questions To Start The College Admissions Conversation With Your Child

By Christopher Rim | June 29, 2026, 4:18pm EDT

Many parents assume that preparing for the college admissions process entails standardized testing goals, essay drafts, and spreadsheets with application deadlines. But an effective approach to college admissions prep rarely begins there.

The strongest foundation for a successful application process is laid as early as freshman year, long before a single school is added to a list; and rather than beginning with goals and deadlines, it starts with genuine, thoughtful questions that enable students to consider who they are becoming and what they want out of the next chapter of their life.

Good questions, asked early, can help them to cultivate curiosity, self-reflection, and a clearer understanding of their guiding passions. When students begin considering these questions long before the pressures of the admissions process arise, later stages of the process—from building a college list to drafting a personal essay—feel like a continuation of the conversation that has been taking place over the entirety of their high school journey.

For parents ready to kickstart the college admissions conversation this summer, here are three questions worth starting with:

1. “Why do you think you enjoy that?”

Most students know how to talk about what they’ve done, but the college admissions process is about articulating who they are. Rather than simply asking students what activities they want to participate in or what they’ve enjoyed doing, parents should guide students to thoughtfully consider why they connect with a particular activity, organization, or subject. Investigating what particular skills they are using, questions they are asking, or interests they are exploring can go a long way in telling students something about themselves and their core qualities. That kind of self-knowledge can guide students across the various activities they engage in, even as the activities themselves change from year to year.

This can also be the first step toward identifying the college major or disciplinary program that’s right for them. Two students on the same debate team, for instance, might be passionate about it for entirely different reasons. One might realize that what they love is rhetoric and the rigor of constructing an argument, an indication that a pre-law track or political science program could be a strong fit. Another might find that what draws them in is the research itself—digging into a topic until they understand it cold—pointing instead toward journalism or economics.

Not every teenager will have a polished answer ready, which is completely normal. The purpose of asking early is to allow students the time to develop their interests intentionally over time, picking up clues about their authentic passions and skills as they move throughout their high school career. A student who has spent four years thinking honestly and deliberately about their interests will write a far more compelling and authentic essay than a senior scrambling to construct a narrative from scratch a month before the deadline.

2. “What do you think an ideal day in college would look like for you?”

Assembling a college list can be one of the most overwhelming steps in the admissions journey. Parents and students alike can get bogged down by the sheer number of options and fixate on prestige, rankings, or a school’s name recognition before considering whether it’s actually the right environment for a particular student. But it is important to remember that a student isn’t just choosing a school—they’re choosing a home for the next four years.

Rather than starting with rankings or a list of reach schools, it’s far more productive to think first about the tangible and intangible qualities a student hopes to find in a college. Younger students, in particular, may not be able to rattle off a checklist of what they’re looking for in a school, but asking them to imagine an ideal day—what their surroundings would look like, what the campus social scene feels like, what they’re doing in their free time—can be a far more effective exercise.

Some teenagers will describe a location first (a fun college town, a rural, gated campus, a bustling urban environment); others might say something about size, culture, or the strength of a particular academic program. Following up with questions like “What would it be like to live somewhere far from home, in a city instead of a small town?” or “Do you want to be in a more traditional academic environment or somewhere a bit more laid back?” can help students articulate preferences they didn’t know they had.

Of course, these conversations will become more defined as students begin visiting colleges during their junior year. But the more work students do to consider their preferences in advance, the more intentional they can be about which colleges to visit and how to adapt as their interests and preferences evolve through the process.

3. “What do you need from me right now?”

Perhaps the single most useful question a parent can ask throughout this entire process is also the simplest: what do you need from me right now? The college admissions process is not only exciting; it’s also anxiety-inducing, and as it becomes more competitive, that anxiety sets in earlier in a student’s high school years.

The answer to this question will inevitably evolve as a student moves through their high school journey. A freshman might want help finding a summer program that matches a budding interest. A junior might want a parent to back off entirely on grades and simply listen. A senior drafting essays might want a sounding board, or some outside support to help develop their ideas. When parents ask this question intentionally and often, rather than assuming they already know the answer, they can get a better sense of how their student is feeling about the admissions process ahead—academically, socially, and emotionally—and proactively address issues as they arise.

None of this means a parent has to become the sole source of support for their teenager throughout the admissions process, nor should they attempt to be. Rather than seeking to become an amateur admissions consultant, a full-time tutor, and a 24-hour therapist, parents should aim to keep the lines of communication open with their student to know when something requires a parent’s attention and when it calls for someone else’s expertise instead.

One of the most valuable things these three questions can do is reveal exactly where a student needs help outside of what their parents can provide. The sooner parents begin the college conversation, the more prepared they will be to build a support network for their teenager that will carry them through the college application process and beyond.

 

Originally published on Forbes on June 29, 2026